All the Single Ladies

Okay, so I know I complain a lot about not having a significant other. About how the only "close to boyfriend" I had is now gay. And about how I've never been kissed. Oh, you haven't heard that? Well. Crawl out from under that rock.

Anyway, I'm actually glad I'm single. I think if I ever had a guy interested in me, I wouldn't know what to do. The thought freaks me out, quite honestly. I never dated as a teenager. No one was ever interested. So I don't know how to handle myself. I was thinking about this the other day, and it came to me:

Next to spiders, I am absolutely terrified of relationships.

Now, granted, I'm not making an excuse for the fact that I'm just not attractive or desirable. I'm pretty sure those are pretty good reasons I've never been in a relationship, also. But I also think I'd completely cop out if someone were to ever take interest in me. Because, like every other normal girl, I tend to catch myself day dreaming. What if I were in a relationship with this person? I'd think about it. And then completely scruntch my nose and move on. Like I'm better off without it.

It's so strange. I want, almost more than anything, to feel loved by a man, to be swept off my feet, to be so in love that I'm blinded by anything and everything bad in the world. But when I really think about it...it terrifies me.

Not to mention the fact that I want no part in the heart ache. Just getting my heart torn to pieces by guys I spill my heart out to is enough...but to be fully invested, to have actually spent time with a person, built a relationship, only to have it crumble? I can't imagine how that would make me feel. I don't even want to risk it.

And to even THINK about getting my first kiss? My God. HEAD FOR THE HILLS! RUN! DEAR GOD, SAVE THE CHILDREN!

Horrifying. I'm pretty sure that'd be one of the many things I'd eff up.

So, here's to being single. And to being content with it. There's a chance that God has a plan for me and my love life. But, you know, some people are meant to be alone. Not my first choice, but if it's the plan he has for me, then hey; I've got His Love. And that's all I should need.

Now, remind me of this next week when I'm all weepy, and I'll deny that I ever said such a thing. That's just the life of a normal girl.

I'm gonna finish school, move to New York, and then settle down with a nice Yankee. Yeah. No camoflage, no steel-toed boots, and no obnoxious, over-the-top southern accent. -sigh- Yeah. I'm sticking to that plan. :)