Just need to get this out...

"Keep it secret! Keep it safe!"

I'm sorry, but I don't think Gandalf was talking about friendship so much as a piece of jewelry. If you're going to pretend we're not friends with your other friends, then let's just save this whole "acting" crap, because things just hit the fan.

I don't understand people.

I don't understand YOU. You infuriate me. Yet it never lasts for more than a few seconds before we're fine again. What's so hard about telling people that? That we bicker constantly? Friends fight, you know. It's not completely out of the norm.

And yeah, we're fine again right now. But it still doesn't set well with me. I shouldn't be some secret. I don't intend to be some kind of threat. I mean, have you SEEN me?? Not threat material.

Be a man.

P.S. Congrats again on P-ing the Q.

All the Single Ladies

Okay, so I know I complain a lot about not having a significant other. About how the only "close to boyfriend" I had is now gay. And about how I've never been kissed. Oh, you haven't heard that? Well. Crawl out from under that rock.

Anyway, I'm actually glad I'm single. I think if I ever had a guy interested in me, I wouldn't know what to do. The thought freaks me out, quite honestly. I never dated as a teenager. No one was ever interested. So I don't know how to handle myself. I was thinking about this the other day, and it came to me:

Next to spiders, I am absolutely terrified of relationships.

Now, granted, I'm not making an excuse for the fact that I'm just not attractive or desirable. I'm pretty sure those are pretty good reasons I've never been in a relationship, also. But I also think I'd completely cop out if someone were to ever take interest in me. Because, like every other normal girl, I tend to catch myself day dreaming. What if I were in a relationship with this person? I'd think about it. And then completely scruntch my nose and move on. Like I'm better off without it.

It's so strange. I want, almost more than anything, to feel loved by a man, to be swept off my feet, to be so in love that I'm blinded by anything and everything bad in the world. But when I really think about it...it terrifies me.

Not to mention the fact that I want no part in the heart ache. Just getting my heart torn to pieces by guys I spill my heart out to is enough...but to be fully invested, to have actually spent time with a person, built a relationship, only to have it crumble? I can't imagine how that would make me feel. I don't even want to risk it.

And to even THINK about getting my first kiss? My God. HEAD FOR THE HILLS! RUN! DEAR GOD, SAVE THE CHILDREN!

Horrifying. I'm pretty sure that'd be one of the many things I'd eff up.

So, here's to being single. And to being content with it. There's a chance that God has a plan for me and my love life. But, you know, some people are meant to be alone. Not my first choice, but if it's the plan he has for me, then hey; I've got His Love. And that's all I should need.

Now, remind me of this next week when I'm all weepy, and I'll deny that I ever said such a thing. That's just the life of a normal girl.

I'm gonna finish school, move to New York, and then settle down with a nice Yankee. Yeah. No camoflage, no steel-toed boots, and no obnoxious, over-the-top southern accent. -sigh- Yeah. I'm sticking to that plan. :)

Suck. Suck. Suck.

Needless to say, things pretty much suck right now.

Okay, so, not so much "things" as work. Pretty much everything that COULD go wrong is happening to me or has happened to me while working there, and I'm just not sure I can handle this much pressure. Yeah. I'm saying I'm weak spirited. No one should go home crying after work because of work. Especially at least once a week. That's just ridiculous. I like most of the people. Others like to stir things up, which tends to make things worse in certain situations.

My mother wouldn't agree with me posting this, I wouldn't think. "People at work will see it." "It's not professional." You're right, Mom. But they already know what's going on. They know I'm miserable. And you know what? More than half of them hate being there, too.

Gigi's Cupcakes is hiring decorators. Do you know how much I would LOVE to have that job??? But, apparently, as my mother so delicately pointed out, I wouldn't learn as much or benefit as much from decorating cupcakes. I'd probably suck at that, too, anyway.

I'm probably going to state this in every post from now on, but I really miss my mom. This weekend she has been out of touch, working a church retreat where they can't have cell phones and stuff. Naturally, I've never needed to talk to her more.

In other news, I'm fat. I need to lose weight. Will you love me, then?