Getting It Off My Chest

You know, sometimes it just sucks being a hormonal twenty-five year old who has never been kissed. Learning anything to do with relationships or the process of such is infuriatingly difficult. Primarily because of myself.

I tend to put myself in the worst situations as possible. Some would call it brave, but others would call it complete and utter stupidity. I, myself, believe in the latter.

The moment someone of the opposite sex just vaguely participates in the act of flirting, my immediate thoughts are sent up the track to the part of my brain that overreacts. [And, let me tell you, that's a large part of my brain]. They like me. They're interested. There's no way they couldn't be, right? Ok. Let's give it a go and flirt back.

Nope.

I begin to push, to prod, to bother, to bug, to dream and create impractical scenarios, and ultimately push said object of affection to the farthest corner of the universe, make a fool of myself, or disappoint myself to the point of breakdown.

You say to yourself, "Get over it. You're not in high school anymore. Grow up."

And I could not agree more. I can't keep using my clinically diagnosed depression or severe anxiety disorder as an excuse. But unless you experience my thought process and how depression or anxiety affect you, you don't really understand. And that's fine.

I am no longer a twenty-five year old that's never been kissed. And yet I'm still so unhappy...

Everyone deserves a chance. Even me. You cannot allow yourself to dwell on someone who will probably never love you back. No matter how many people you sleep with while you wait, it's not going to make you happy. In fact, it's poisonous. Your self-esteem will continue to plummet until you're curled up in the fetal position under a bench in King's Cross Train Station, looking like the shriveled up mass of 1/7 of Voldemort's soul.

And yes; it always comes back to Harry Potter.

I'm feeling a little better now. Also, long time no post. Perhaps I'll be back soon...

Nox.

P.S. This wasn't to upset or anger anyone in particular. I just had to share how I feel. I, myself, am not angry with anyone but myself. :)

Oh, that's right...

I kind of forgot I had this. I'm thinking I should start writing again. You know, since I'm a college drop out and make next to nothing being a pharmacy technician. Hoping that will change soon, but I can't ever make those kinds of promises.

That being said, don't ask me how school's going. It's depressing when I have to go through the fact that, you know, I'm not in school. -_-

Here's what I'd like to be:
- Pepper Potts
- Sherlock's Watson
- The Doctor's companion
- An auror
- An Elven warrior
- An Avenger
- The heiress to Downton Abbey
- The droids that you're not looking for


All completely practical, right? ;]

No, but really. I'll get my stuff together. My anxiety kind of keeps me from looking into the future too much. I guess I shouldn't really use that as an excuse, but if you knew the true, ugly side effects of anxiety, you'd live for the moment, too. xD

Anyway, I'm watching Iron Man right now, and RDJ is being awfully distracting. Pepper is one LUCKY lady!

Tomorrow, I want to go to the gym. Someone make sure I follow through with that. Make me feel REALLY bad about it. And they close at 7pm, so start early. :]